Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Change randomly

Random update:

Well, today is freaking random, and to be honest, I couldn't Facebook at night for the whole week due to no internet connection in my house now. Momi had cancelled the previous package, and got a new one. However, this new one drove me crazy because the TM officer said that our house doesn't have any portal for 1 Mphs, so we need to wait until there is capacity. How sad is that?

I've no idea what to do, so I stayed at momi's office always in order to connect with Facebook! What should you do, if there is no internet connection? I seriously don't know what to do. I've been trying to watch TV, but it makes me sleep after some time. 

I'm just like an old lady who doesn't stand watching TV alone on the sofa. I'll fall asleep when I on the TV, then feel awake when there is no sound at all. So weird. 

By the way, I'm not social as well, seriously! I seldom hang out nowadays except friends birthday celebration, because everyone is busy with their work and I left alone at home. Sad!

Talking about change!

I was quite surprise when Jennifer said I've changed a lot since practical training (which I'd mentioned on last post), and I cried on that because I doesn't like to be change. I mean be a bad girl. To be honest, I cried when I'm thinking of what had made me change. I thought  all sort of incident such as did I hurt her when I speak, how I'd make her feel uncomfortable, etc. 

I messaged Shin to confirm something, because she agreed with Jennifer. As what I know about both of them, they wouldn't tell anything if it will hurt me, but I eager to know it so that I can change. So, I asked them seriously, but they wouldn't tell as I asked! I was nervous, because all I can think is am I being bad to them or something I said had hurt them.

Everyone seems doesn't want to tell me, and this makes me panic because it could be a bad thing which they don't want to hurt me. I'm scared! 

After the Tomo Tag, we went back home, and my mind was blank, all I was thinking was what have make me change. 

Being sarcastic? Calculative? Hurt them?

I don't know what is it.

Shin replied, and she said " it is just a kind of feeling, and couldn't explain at all. Don't make her stress like Gary! (HAHA! This make me laugh awhile), and you don't stress like Gary as well. It is like you will think a lot before make the talking" 

I was stun! I don't know what I've thought when I talk about anything, it just so weird. I went back sis room, and cried. 

The next day, I don't have any mood because scolded by momi (she doesn't want me to hang out so late anymore except  around my house T__T ), and the tomo tag last night. I seriously sad, and couldn't talk much about it. 

I think... keep thinking.

Momi doesn't go to office because of the incident last night, and she slept for the whole day as well as me. Both of us were super tired due to last night, and momi wasn't mad at me anymore. Glad to hear that! 

Anyway, Jennifer, Ting and I went gym together that day, and I was doubting their explanation last night, so I asked and asked again what had make me change, and both of them don't know how to explain. Why so hard to explain? I was wondering. Is it I'm too bad to describe or it hard to describe?

Then I told them I cried last night, and both of them got shock! I don't want them to be shock, but Jennifer said she believed it. 

After the gym, we went BB corner to continue our topic. And finally I got what I want! Like finally. I relief, don't cry anymore because I don't need to be skeptical anymore regarding the changing part. I'm changing, and yes.

Jennifer said she thought that I've secret which I've never talk about. Secret? I thought that yesterday, and I seriously have secret, but the secret has been released few month ago. I'm stress because my result is coming out real soon during the Port Dickson trip, and yet someone had make me gone mad! That's why I got angry easily.

However, one thing that I agreed is that I'm no longer talkative anymore. I mean don't talk much during gathering. Choose what I want to listen, which mean I'll keep quiet when I don't feel good.

But bro disapproved this statement. Whatsoever!

Anyway, I'm relief! Change doesn't mean bad, so it fine for me. HEHE!

All and all, I'm happy with it, and Tomo tag is fun and got to know ourselves more, yet doesn't hurt anyone. I'm happy with it. 

PS: Talking about tyre punctured, Ting was too cute to pay back, and momi was like I don't accept this money, give it back Lydia, why you take? I'm innocent momi *pity face*

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