Friday, October 26, 2018

DEAR BLOG | Truly happiness!?

Hello!

Another day of another kind of life I had!Chilling and having flu still, can you please go away?I was wondering what makes me so sick nowadays. I was so proud of myself being the healthy baby all day last time but now somehow I couldn't recover fast nowadays. What's wrong with me?

Anyway, I'd read Timothy Tiah's blog just now, and there is one line that attracted my attention "True happiness is when we can live in the present without recollection of the past and fear of the future". What is true happiness and do we actually truly happy on everything that happened around us? He said he asked his 5 years old son on are you happy today, and the reaction from his son was a wow to him and I felt kid at this age truly accept what they had, everything I guess without any complaint. I salute kids, and why on earth we as an adult are not truly happy on what we had?

Being truly happy isn't that hard as a kid, you are happy when you play with your favourite person or you are happy because you just had an ice cream and yes, it will make you happy for the rest of the day. However, as an adult, are you sure you are happy with just an ice cream? To be honest, I am happy when I had dessert whenever I am freaking sad or emotional, but this is just an instant moment and I still feel sad whenever I couldn't solve a problem or whatsoever! So, TRULY HAPPY!? THen again, my point is we shall learn from kids, having truly happiness will make life simple and good enough!

So, should we choose to be happy or truly happy? I choose TRULY HAPPINESS instead. (Hope so!?)

Alright, shall end here.

xoxo
Lydia Kang

Thursday, October 25, 2018

DEAR BLOG | A letter to the young self

Dear blog,

Another day means another perfect day for me to chill out. Perfect? It sounds like it but indeed I am in bad flu now. Just kill me for so sick at this moment.

Sis was in Jeju, Korea right now enjoying her life to the fullest. Just another 3 weeks for me to travel to Korea and please magically settle my rent and all that. God please help me although I am kinda lazy to do all these!! To betray or not are still in my mind now!? Please help me magically solve all these.

Planning to visit my friend's baby boy but I kinda stuck in my bed typing out this blog post and sleeping all day long (mmm!?). While doing all these, Korea plans kinda like attracted me a lot! I can't wait to actually board in the plane and fly over to there right now. Imma not going Jeju but Busan and Seoul, shout out to Korea yo!

Alright, some philosophy moment.

So, I was talking about DO YOU KNOW ME WELL? kind of topic yesterday and surprisingly I saw an insta story from my friend talking about "if you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say?" I was too tired and wrote "sampat". Replied was what does that means?

"Sampat" is Malaysia style phrase with meaning wacky, gaga, silly and all sort of crazy things (googled and got it from a blogger). So when I said sampat doesn't mean is a bad things! I used to think that we (when I said we means tomo) are difference from others, from the way we dress, we write, we chill, we instagram, we facebook, we talk... we are different! There are differences between the normal ladies and us, we don't usually make up but we did it on an occasion although some of us changed and did some make up when we go out chill, it's okay you know!

My point is we are different in the sense that we are not as girly as others and we love being ourselves, the loud and clumsy self. Our Instagram post (yeap, we have a group Instagram just to fill up with those memories of us) are way too different from other girls group Instagram with #OOTD instead of crazy video of us shitting around. You may follow us if you want it -tomo5achi- :)

I wanted to tell my young self, being sampat is not wrong and continue doing it until you are old. You are different but somehow the differences make you perfect enough to the world, somehow people with same frequency/channel will get what you mean. We do what we like and others will love us more. I am proud to be sampat in the sense that I am still young in the inside with all my heart.

To like or not to like by others were the hand of others, but to love or not to love yourself is in your hand. Self-confident is the crucial part of your life, although I couldn't be as confident as others but I'd tried to be one of them. Nope! I shouldn't said try to be one of them, I should say to be confident to be who you are and who you be.

I would like to write a letter a the Young Lydia instead.

Hello Young Lydia,

You probably only 18 years old and thinking what will you be after 10 years. Let me tell you that being at 28 years old will not as perfect as what you think, and also not as scary as what you thought. Being at 18 years old, you thought of studying, which university to enter, which course you are going to enroll, which friend are truthful and so and so... and what life are going to be, probably hanging around with guy was really uncomfortable back then. But...Just don't worry that much, you will be fine after 10 years, you are fine with your results, you are fine with what course you took and you are fine with guys and you are fine with your work except you are still in the midst of looking at which job you are entering will make the best of you. That's it! Life goes on....

Being at 18 years old, studying is the toughest thing ever in your life but trust me, you will be fine because you will have more trouble in the next 10 years or probably 20 years. Besides, at the age of 18, nobody will force you for getting a partner, but trust me after 10 years people start to hunt you down for all kind of partner question. BUT WHATEVER! You will be fine without one I can assure you! Just be yourself and you will be fine. Forcing will have no happiness, get it?

Young Lydia, you will have lots of fun in your next 10 years, lots of travelling and events that happened, making new friends and loss some of the good friends and so and so. You will dye your hair and change your look at the age of 28, you will have lots of close friend that you can call in to shout at them for your sadness, you will have conflict with your friends and family, your sister getting married, lots of babies around you and you are still the same you typing out a letter to your young self today. Life changed, people changed but things somehow did not changed much around.

Remember young Lydia, you probably have the toughest time in your life but you will be fine after all. Trying to be others was the wrong move, and you will get it when times goes by. Things will still the same, and remember the closest friend will stay on until the end of your life, so losing some of your friends ain't big deal, forget it and life goes on. Remember! You are not alone after all, your life will be as fun as what is it, God has plans for all of us. For the next 10 years, you will struggle being yourself, but really trust me you will somehow get what is it in the end. Just remember, be yourself and don't hurt anyone back if you being hurt!

This is a letter to Young Lydia from the Old Lydia (probably not old enough to give valid advise but yeap, still an advice)

xoxo
Old Lydia.

Being old isn't a big deal and remember to live in a simple way!

PS: Don't judge on my grammar mistake :)

xoxo
Lydia

Wednesday, October 24, 2018

DEAR BLOG | A choice!?

Dear blog,

Just to update some of my boring life so that this blog won't be that boring after all.

Life as a jobless person...

I have this dilemma on whether to come back work in Malaysia or continue in Singapore, but there is one night I felt suddenly brighten up my mind. I have made up my mind to come home, Malaysia! I didn't actually work overseas long time tho (6 months to be exact!), but the thought of coming back grow so fast that it has exceeded the thought of staying. 

To be honest, I wasn't sure whether am I trying to convince myself with the fact that I couldn't find a job back in Singapore or whatsoever few weeks back. BUT BUT BUT, I am totally into it after travelling to KL to meet some of my friends (basically just attending wedding). In other words, coming back wasn't a bad idea, and probably I couldn't accept the fact that my salary will largely reduce by 3 times, and to settle all my accommodation in Singapore was a mess and so and so....

Speaking of my room was a BIG MISTAKE! I shouldn't had agreed to stay with all of them, to betray them make me feel bad but I was the victim after all. Not a real victim but they wouldn't help me to settle by letting me go and monthly rent will cause a huge hole in my pocket. This is what I seriously don't want to talk about with everyone else except one of my friend. He told me to tell the owner of the house and let my housemates to settle the rest of the rent. What should I do? Can I be so cruel? I wasn't that kind of person after all...#life

Things getting so complicated, and I always think that is this the right choice at first? Then again, life goes on and being too optimistic wasn't that good actually. I had read a book these days, "Courage to be disliked" is the name of the book. In facts, it is quite odd for me to read something very philosophy but I somehow agreed on their way of expressing their philosophiness (!?). Being grateful doesn't mean you need to be overly optimistic, you can be pessimistic sometimes that will overcome some of your over optimistic. I was being overly pessimistic, then overly optimistic in someway...People see me as in I won't get angry or somehow they thought bad words won't hurt me after all. You are totally wrong!

For example, what's wrong with being single, alone in the house? What's wrong with not being able to eat alone, watch movie alone and etc? What's wrong with all these? I always thought that telling someone that I couldn't leave alone wasn't a big deal, and people tend to pity me like giving me a sad face (sympathy face to be exact) of being alone and couldn't step out of the house all by myself. You know what!? Being alone in the house is my pleasure, and I love being at home all by myself. Asking someone out with me was like a bonus of being able to step out of the house, and not because I was eager to do it.  I have this problem of explaining all these to my friends, especially tomo5achi. I think the only person that understand all these is me, myself and I (3 persons!?).

There is one day when we were having dinner together at McDonald, and suddenly one of us asked to express our frustration toward each other. I did said that I couldn't travel alone with Jen, and I felt what's the point of letting everyone know the reason not be able to travel alone with her because no one ever listen to my explanation and no one ever understand me. And I hope they read this post but I know no one care so I will just write whatever I like. Speaking of being frustration, one of the point I did told my friend was being sympathy by tomo. I was being told that all of them don't let me know when they have job offer or interview because they do not want to pressure me. They make things complicated! True that I will feel stressed out or pressured when they got a job interview or offer, but it wouldn't affect me at ALL (except from my family then I will feel the pressured more!). They hurt me more when they kept lots of things, I don't like being sympathy! You can let me know and I will stress out and let go all by myself, the more you treat me like this, the more I don't feel like you are true enough to me. When I felt you are not true enough to me, that's where the gap is! 

PS: and my friend told me they ain't sympathy at me at all, so you tell me what is it then?

I always said that there is a line drawn between friends, even the closest friend. Just bare in mind that I couldn't express myself is not because I care about what others' think of me, and when you keep saying it is, then yeap! You WIN! I just don't want to argue anymore. Then again, there is some of them did not express themselves to the fullest, so why am I need to so? You can called me faker or whatsoever, but in real life things don't go what we want! I'll be true to you when you did too, so just don't pissed me off when things don't happened as what you had expected on me, expect the unexpected!

You don't expect what I will do on what occasion on which date or what reaction and so and so... Why people would think that me, Lydia Kang wouldn't do all these because of bla bla bla. Did you know me well? Did you exactly know who am I, what I will do or who am I?  

DO YOU REALLY KNOW ME??

You might know me the longest time but you won't be the one that understand me the most I would say.

Don't pretend that you know me well I would say, even the closest person in my life wouldn't know what I am thinking because I don't express everything to anyone except for myself.  I just freaking don't understand why people would said wow! you had changed, and you wouldn't do this last time. Are you kidding me? I DON'T DO IN FRONT OF YOU DOESN'T MEAN I WOULDN'T DO IT OK!??  When I start to do it means 我放下心房 (let's it go), but when you start to comment, a wall build up again! WTH!? SO WHAT SHOULD I DO? FOREVER CARE ABOUT ALL OF YOU? The moment you said something make me feel awful, there you go again, building a full wall on the relationship between us. That's it! TO BUILD OR NOT TO BUILD is all on my hand, you have no right to judge!

I guess that's why I really keep up my mind to get a job here in Malaysia. The more I stay there, the more conflict will be build up. I shall leave and remain who I am back in Malaysia. I started to miss those days working with a bunch of good friends in the company although late night but life still goes on and we are happy for it. I feel the simple I am, the happier I will be! Back to simple life is my motto now! Hanging around with bunch of friends back in KL make me feel simple all over again. Why things would be so bad back then? Why people change when they went to a new country or something? I always ask alot of questions and no one can ever answer me! I wish people are good, but somehow I can't really get what in return in a place that are unfamiliar to me!

Anyway, life goes on and I believe I would be a better one starting today!

PS: What you see is not what you know! 不是见人说人话,是你看到的并不是你所看到的!

PSS: You probably think that I am good in building wall around but what's the point when you try to explain and no one ever understand you? RIGHT?

PSSS: Just bare with the grammar or spelling mistakes coz I just wanted to express my feeling at this moment. HAHAHA!

#life

Watch the video below to be happy all over again :)

https://youtu.be/YD6pwyA1Ibg

XOXO
Lydia

Friday, September 7, 2018

The adventurous of Lydia: It is not FREE!

Hello Hello!

I am back on track for all these. So, yesterday was the day we planned to go for one-day trip in Singapore city. First, we had lunch at Chinatown, I was queuing for their famous chicken rice, 1 Michelin star ok! BUT I am not recommended for.

I just don't understand the taste of it. Chicken rice without chicken rice taste (white rice, basically). Nah! Just a BIG NO for me!!

Second stop: National Galley Singapore (IS NOT FREE!!)
 We really have so much fun in this gallery!

 Join kids activities..

 And HELL we don't really understand all these at ALL!

We were like nah! too old for all these and kids were really damn happy when they saw all kinds of buildings, structures, colours and etc.

 And soundsss of a pot. =__=

 And all we were interested was the wall behind (made of crayon)

LOL!

 Looking at some kids running around while Jen photographing me! HAHAHA!




180cm effect!
All you need is to have a great photographer around while travelling!

Third stop: St. Andrew Church!

So, after realising that the gallery wasn't free, we sneaked out to pay a visit to St. Andrew Church. We were talking about our friend's joke while walking toward the church, joke of how we used to tease Lily! HAHAHA *inside joke*


Trying to take a picture of me with the church and end nah! I need more practices. Some said practice makes perfect! Teehee!

 And seriously why my eyes look so tiring. Damn!

Fourth stop: Esplanade
Adopting instead of buying!
Walking around the area and having fun talking and walking.

Life isn't that bad anyway.

Fifth stop: PS Cafe


 High tea before going for the event!

Just chocolate nut thingy! So long never blog so I wouldn't remember every food name already.
I will remember it starting today, I promise!


Sixth stop: the EVENT!
And bought a heel and blouse for brata's wedding next 2 weeks!

I am kinda excited to go for the wedding after bought my heel and blouse!

16 September 2018 will be the wedding day, stay tuned for more updates. *I hope*

XOXO

Wednesday, September 5, 2018

New year new me? Nah!!

Hello everyone,

I guess I am the only one get back on track! 

After months of living here, I have officially resigned (again!?) and living a jobless life all over again. Things happened for all kind of reasons and I am starting to accept to facts that I am not good as compared to others (probably!).

Thing isn't as simple as compared to life back in KL, the people, the culture, the self-protection and etc. One thing that I have learned from all these is self-protection is crucial in every circumstances! Anyway, life goes on! #lawofattractions

**off the negativity**

I have read an article about some blog site (mostly used by Taiwanese, I guess) we used to go in and read blogs, and just think of it, that's was really fun whereby I used to go in and read their blog as well as some stories made up by them (just like watching drama episode by episode). Those daysss...

We have always discussed about what we will try to amend if we have a chance to go back to year 2007, which is freaking 10 years ago. I would say I wish to amend my studies and social life, but the woman I was yesterday, introduced me to the woman I am today. Without the fun me in Year 2007, there wouldn't be ME today. I always thanks to the universe that I have been through that year and I am so lucky that I was assigned to my class, the jolly, happy-go-lucky and noisy class. We used to have a lot of fun (although I was the one who always standing right beside everyone looking at those "drama" goes on), BBQ in the padang (i.e. field), toilet dates (i.e. everyone will ask each other to go toilet together for the sake of chit-chatting), canteen dates (used to bully those "junior" prefect by asking them to seek permission from their "senior" for asking us to go back class), drama, lotsa drama and etc. We are proud to be who we are, I would say. We are the St. Davidian!

I bet all of us will think that we are the lousy class, nah! We are NOT, and we are always playing with all kind of people around. I will always remember the day when we went to hike at the St. Paul (my very first time) and all those kind faintness I felt was omg! I can't even breath properly after hiking, feel dying after we were up at the top, thanks God we survived was the thought I had that time. Too exaggerated I know *teehee*.

Memories warm you up from the inside...and life still goes on as usual.

So, now! What would I do if I given a chance to turn back to year 2017?

I WOULD JUST SIT BACK AND ENJOY ALL THESE MOMENTS ALL OVER AGAIN! 

To enjoy all the fun all over again, the people, the friendship and the LIFE!

With the chance, thanks to the universe of what given to me before and now, I love you and thank you! 

xoxo

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Hello I am back!

Hello!

I am back on track, I hope!

I have been busy lately with working and some personal emotional.
I have a thought that there is a limit being friend, even a good friend. There is a line between each other, even we are the best friend, sometimes line are just there.

I would say I will be there whenever you need it even currently we are not as close as what we are last time. Things changed, situation changed even people are changing, but friendship will never end just like this, I believe.

As I said, you need to know what is the line between both of you whenever all these situation changed, but somehow I can't! I felt left out for a moment, when I said for a moment mean literally days and months. I felt kinda weird that I am being left out in this situation and because I am too sensitive, I couldn't stop thinking. I am letting it goes now, like real. However, I just want to say that we are still friend but not as close as like time anymore, barrier created!

I always create barrier with people, I don't get close with someone else real fast, and I will make sure I am super close with them once I let the wall down! But, I started to create the wall again, why? I thought I can get rid of this wall thing but I can't. Is that emotional? I don't think so. I just realised that barrier really exist!

Maybe as what you said I am narrow-minded, but things happened and I couldn't absorb fast enough to every situation, I am sorry! Just I am pretty sure that we won't be as close as what we are last time. Letting it goes is the best way I guess!

Life isn't just like this, there are more to explore.

Life isn't the way we always expect, we must go on in every situation.

Life goes on....

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Dayre officially say goodbye to us

Hello everyone!

I guess I'm gonna come back to blogspot to express my everything from now on. I used to blog alot of thing here but when dayre was there I somehow shift my daily sadness to there. A platform whereby I express alot of my personal feeling, work stress and etc. Besides, I always thought that this not gonna end so soon. Oh well, I'm wrong! Dayre gonna close soon!

Why?

Apparently it said the cost is more than what they earned so they decided to close this platform. I'm sad! I used to read alot there (or I should said stalk hahahaha) and now NO MORE!

😭😭😭😭

Anyway I thanks dayre for having us able to express our feeling as well as sharing alot of thing at once.

I'm now gonna declare that I'm back blogging here yo! Hope I can do it as frequent as possible.

Signed off!