When I always think of the word that I hate the most, COMPARING will directly go into my mind. This is because I always been comparing with others.
"hey, why you are so poor, can't you just learn from XXX"
"You are so stupid, you should learn more from others"
"Ha! Your english is so poor, don't you feel embarrassing when others are reading?"
"I don't even know what you are writing"
"Your accounting course is much easier than mine"
My sis is the very first person to compare with me, and I can't get of from her whenever she compare herself with me. We've been comparing since year 6, can't she just stop comparing with me, I just way too different with her.
When I was in year 6, UPSR result will be the first reason for them to compare my sis and I, and I did not get an A for my english (and she did). Everyone was laughing at me, and I still remember the scene right now, especially my sis. She was the smart one in the house, so everyone would treat her well. The stress is still mild for me as a 12 years old little girl who is noob for everything.
3 years later, another public exam- PMR result is being compare again. I mean again! The stress of being compare has been increase, and yes I did not get an A for my english again. This time my sis is so proud of herself for being the smartest in the house. She would compare everything with me, if there is something can be compare. Being a 15 years old girl who is always being compare without a reason, I'm really stressful. I would cry inside the room without others knowing, that's my way of realise my stress. My sis would insult without knowing I hurt so much. Well, this is not end of my stressful comparing day.
2 years after that, SPM is coming, and this is the most stressful days of my life. I would cry for almost everyday without others knowing. I would cry if no one at home or cry in the night without others knowing. Stress has been increase everyday, and my sis still hurt me very much. She would do everything just to insult me and claimed that it is good for me. It's hurt me and I did not felt good at all. Half year after, SPM result is out, and I get a slightly lower result than her, and she claim our paper was pretty easy because I would get such result without studying is miracle! WTH? Did she know I'm studying so hard just to get this result? Did she know I would cry because I did know how to do add math in the night? Did she know I'm so stressful because I need to compare every single thing with her? Did she know it? She doesn't even know how others would think of me when she just insult me in front of others! Did she know it?
Things she would said and claim it is good for me
"Hey! Why you are so stupid?"
" I don't feel like talking with a stupid person like you"
" You are way too stupid!"
" Stupid stupid stupid!!"
"oh yes! This is good for you, just think of what if your friend comment on your english skill just like me"
Note: I rather listen to my friend than you, because of your way of talking make me wanted to cry everytime!
I was so stressful being her younger sister! As I always said, I rather being a elder sister than a younger one. In my house, the eldest always get more treatment than youngest, but in outsider way I'm the one who being pampered! Now can you see how stressful I am? Being compare is the most stressful thing is my life. I've been learning so much to improve my english, and yet she still insult me badly.
And this stressful life simply just wouldn't end! Others still comparing both of us without any reaso, even my sis herself like to compare the course she took and mine. What is the point of comparing when we were taking the different course? What on earth make you feel like to compare with me? I just simply don't like being compare.
When we were having our dinner just now, my sis told me she has actually read my blog when she is free! And she is laughing at my poor english. I don't mind at first, but because of her way of talking make me feel uneasy, I simply just want to cry out. I want to cry but I didn't. She claimed that everyone like to compare me and her, and she did not like it. OMG! Do you think I like it?
Comparing just make me feel uneasy, especially the way of comparing insult me! Please leave me alone, I need some freedom. I admit my english is poor, but from the first day of my blogging life, I did not claim that my english is good or what! But now I need to claim something just to make others happy!
I'VE A POOR RESULT IN ENGLISH! I'M NOT FROM ENGLISH EDUCATED SCHOOL! I'M FREAKING POOR IN ENGLISH! ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE ANYWAY! I'M SUPER BAD IN ENGLISH! I LIKE TO CREATE WORDS THAT NOT IN THE DICTIONARY! MY GRAMMER IS BAD! MY SPEAKING IS BAD! MY WRITING IS BAD! EVERYTHING IS BAD ON ME! SO PLEASE DON'T COMPARE WITH ME! I'M NOT GOOD IN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!
You are happy now? I'm not good, I admit! But I will try my best to do everything in a good way which everyone may accept. My sis is good in everything, she is the best and smartest in the house, so compare with her make me feel I'm a loser! Please stop comparing.
Well, this entry is quite emotional, but I really can't stand this kind of stress anymore. I need to realise all this stress! Has been suffer for 10 years without others knowing my stress, I felt so relief when I had finally write out.
But first thing is...
I need to be brave to enter the public post... I think I'm ready to do so.......
"hey, why you are so poor, can't you just learn from XXX"
"You are so stupid, you should learn more from others"
"Ha! Your english is so poor, don't you feel embarrassing when others are reading?"
"I don't even know what you are writing"
"Your accounting course is much easier than mine"
My sis is the very first person to compare with me, and I can't get of from her whenever she compare herself with me. We've been comparing since year 6, can't she just stop comparing with me, I just way too different with her.
When I was in year 6, UPSR result will be the first reason for them to compare my sis and I, and I did not get an A for my english (and she did). Everyone was laughing at me, and I still remember the scene right now, especially my sis. She was the smart one in the house, so everyone would treat her well. The stress is still mild for me as a 12 years old little girl who is noob for everything.
3 years later, another public exam- PMR result is being compare again. I mean again! The stress of being compare has been increase, and yes I did not get an A for my english again. This time my sis is so proud of herself for being the smartest in the house. She would compare everything with me, if there is something can be compare. Being a 15 years old girl who is always being compare without a reason, I'm really stressful. I would cry inside the room without others knowing, that's my way of realise my stress. My sis would insult without knowing I hurt so much. Well, this is not end of my stressful comparing day.
2 years after that, SPM is coming, and this is the most stressful days of my life. I would cry for almost everyday without others knowing. I would cry if no one at home or cry in the night without others knowing. Stress has been increase everyday, and my sis still hurt me very much. She would do everything just to insult me and claimed that it is good for me. It's hurt me and I did not felt good at all. Half year after, SPM result is out, and I get a slightly lower result than her, and she claim our paper was pretty easy because I would get such result without studying is miracle! WTH? Did she know I'm studying so hard just to get this result? Did she know I would cry because I did know how to do add math in the night? Did she know I'm so stressful because I need to compare every single thing with her? Did she know it? She doesn't even know how others would think of me when she just insult me in front of others! Did she know it?
Things she would said and claim it is good for me
"Hey! Why you are so stupid?"
" I don't feel like talking with a stupid person like you"
" You are way too stupid!"
" Stupid stupid stupid!!"
"oh yes! This is good for you, just think of what if your friend comment on your english skill just like me"
Note: I rather listen to my friend than you, because of your way of talking make me wanted to cry everytime!
I was so stressful being her younger sister! As I always said, I rather being a elder sister than a younger one. In my house, the eldest always get more treatment than youngest, but in outsider way I'm the one who being pampered! Now can you see how stressful I am? Being compare is the most stressful thing is my life. I've been learning so much to improve my english, and yet she still insult me badly.
And this stressful life simply just wouldn't end! Others still comparing both of us without any reaso, even my sis herself like to compare the course she took and mine. What is the point of comparing when we were taking the different course? What on earth make you feel like to compare with me? I just simply don't like being compare.
When we were having our dinner just now, my sis told me she has actually read my blog when she is free! And she is laughing at my poor english. I don't mind at first, but because of her way of talking make me feel uneasy, I simply just want to cry out. I want to cry but I didn't. She claimed that everyone like to compare me and her, and she did not like it. OMG! Do you think I like it?
Comparing just make me feel uneasy, especially the way of comparing insult me! Please leave me alone, I need some freedom. I admit my english is poor, but from the first day of my blogging life, I did not claim that my english is good or what! But now I need to claim something just to make others happy!
I'VE A POOR RESULT IN ENGLISH! I'M NOT FROM ENGLISH EDUCATED SCHOOL! I'M FREAKING POOR IN ENGLISH! ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE ANYWAY! I'M SUPER BAD IN ENGLISH! I LIKE TO CREATE WORDS THAT NOT IN THE DICTIONARY! MY GRAMMER IS BAD! MY SPEAKING IS BAD! MY WRITING IS BAD! EVERYTHING IS BAD ON ME! SO PLEASE DON'T COMPARE WITH ME! I'M NOT GOOD IN EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!
You are happy now? I'm not good, I admit! But I will try my best to do everything in a good way which everyone may accept. My sis is good in everything, she is the best and smartest in the house, so compare with her make me feel I'm a loser! Please stop comparing.
Well, this entry is quite emotional, but I really can't stand this kind of stress anymore. I need to realise all this stress! Has been suffer for 10 years without others knowing my stress, I felt so relief when I had finally write out.
But first thing is...
I need to be brave to enter the public post... I think I'm ready to do so.......
oh, poor you..i know exactly how you feel. even being compared to a friend is painful enough. in my case people kept saying my sis is more beautiful than me. luckily i am the smart kid in the family. as I grew up people stop comparing us. or they still do, but we just don't give a damn.
ReplyDeletenevertheless, we still have to love 'em, because they r family aite? maybe she will understand u more after she reads this and stop torturing u.
hugs
Ya i agree v you! we still love each other thought being comparing or she like to compare. We still hang out together like best sister, but sometimes she might freak me out!
ReplyDeleteBut one thing i learn from this pass 10 years, when she insult me, just pretend I'm not listening... no sound is there! haha..
Thank for comment!