DEAR BLOG| HAPPY CNY 2020

Hello everybody!

It's been so long I blog about random thoughts.

So here you go with ma crap!

It's another year of HAPPY CNY and probably it was same for the rest of my prior CNY celebration. CNY is all about family gathering and gambling for us but this year was quite different with visiting my unclesssss. 

We used to stay at one place for whole day playing cards and chit-chatting but this year momi asked us to visit my uncle as they came back from overseas. LOL! I don't usually pay visit to any relatives of mine except those really close (probably meet up everyday and still see each other like we never meet for N th years kind), but it was great to meet up with them and some of my long lost cousins that we didn't meet for many years. As a kid, I don't really care about what those adult doing but as you grown up you know what has happened and the reason behind, but life goes on. We live only once and we can't really care too much things around us that make us sad or unhappy right?

My cousins and I were still good with our laughter except we grown up. LOL! One thing that good for us is we still don't care about the old long story and still hanging around like last time with condition that it doesn't affect me at all. 

CNY is really all about gathering.. eat and movie time and I guess 50% of the time I'm eating and another 40% was movie time and chit chatting. Only 10% for cooking and gambling. What happened to us? We were really busy with things going around LOL good excuses huh!?

I guess my uncle also sad about his dog's dealth on 18 Feb. She was a good dog and a baby to them. She was suffering and she was really old. 14 years of life! We are grateful.  Same goes to Kobe Bryant who passed away due to Helicopter crash yesterday. 

That's how life being so fragile and unstable. Things happened but we must still stay strong. 

It was a happening CNY with happiness and sadness but I choose happiness as I said LIFE GOES ON AND YOU DON'T LIVE IN THE PASS THAT MAKE YOU SAD FOREVER! Move on and you will get what you want eventually!

This year was quite a weird year but I think is a good one too!

I love you

I'm sorry

Thank you

Please forgive me

xoxo

DEAR BLOG| 2020

2020 a new begining and things happened!

I got really bad 1st day of 2020. 

First of all, my friend got injured during countdown and all of us were in the emergency ward for the glue stitches. 

Secondly, my house was broke in by robbery! wth! I can't imagine what the hell is going on now. All my things were back at home and I couldn't think of anything that are not pricey!

I was really angry of this incidence and I just couldn't blame anyone. I do not have anyone to express my feeling of lost now. Cry is the only solution? Why on earth I could only cry to bed for this kind of things. I was really angry, I very angry, angry that I couldn't even stay at home for that mess, I'm angry, I couldn't even check what I had lost. I'm angry that I couldn't even express my feeling at all. I'm angry that I still blaming others when come to this. I'm angry, I have no idea why this happened to me. 

What had just happened to me? I simply start to hate myself of not expressing myself truly. 

I will lost my cash, but most importantly my memories in that camera. What on earth had happened and i still in the midst of stunning. 

Why!???

Anyway, I know everything happened for a reason and this might be a lesson for me of simply taking things for granted. I'll learn the lesson and be grateful and contented of what I have currently and more in the future. 

Update from mom: Everything was still in place, nothing lost, only some of the minor things which we are super lucky of not losing precious things. 

I'm super grateful now!

2020 is a big and challenging start for me but I'll embrace the challenge and be a better person. Although thing happened in different way that I did not predict, but I believe with all the positive vibes, things will go in a smooth way in the future. Be grateful and contented, be love and nice. And to myself, do not change to fit in to a situation/environment, still be myself no matter what happen. Trying to someone that people wish you to be will not makes you happy. Remember this!

Resolution of 2020:

1. Be a better person no matter what happen, be nice to people even though you are not treated well.

2. Never ever blame people for treating me bad coz everything happened for a reason.

3. Travel as much as possible (Self note: Strike off your buckle list)

4. Reading makes you perfect, read more!

5. Keep fit which I think this will brought forward to next year too hehehe

6. Be grateful anf contented of what I have now, don't envy because it might hurt others 

That's it for ma resolution.

Welcome 2020 and Thanks 2019 for giving me such wonderful year with high and low moment. 

I love you.

Countdown day before Yenny got hit by firework.

Selfie while waiting for others to arrive

Xoxo 

Lydia 

DEAR BLOG | Welcome August

Hello EVERYBADE!!

It's August and is nearly year end! Time flies and I'm nearly 1 year in the company. Speaking of my first month in this company was like a mmm.. how to describe?

First day of work, I'm totally a weirdo. I'm the only one who wore formal and everyone was so informal. In my mind, I was kinda cannot accept the fact that my life was not in formal anymore but things changed after 9 months in the company. I would say people meant everything, even the smallest things like sharing a piece of cheap biscuit make me happy now! My colleagues always said I was being known as their level/age (means old lah) but as time comes they tend to see me as kiddo. Am I so kiddo all the time? I guess people around me just need to bare my craziness HAHAHAHA!

When people come people go... one of my best colleague in the company gonna leave us in like 2 weeks! Times flies and I was being told she resigned while I was travelling in Melbourne. Turning part was I will have another new colleague sitting behind me. No new crap talking with her anymore. We used to crap alot like some bullshit that I told her and she would just roll eyes to the max. It's good that she found a job that nearer to her anyway.

Besides all this sadness, something still great about it, our lunch kaki.  Our team used to like around 6 or 7 people having lunch together, but as time flies more and more members joining and funniest thing is that people from other team just like to join us. I guess our craziness had influenced the rest of them! HAHAHA!

One of my colleague used to take stairs whenever he go or come back from lunch but I don't see anymore coz he would like crap with us in the lift until we reached our office. CRAP ALL THE WAY! And most importantly we will see other company staff and wonder why they are so stress with their cigarettes and none of us get it. Just some crap story we having la!

But then again, we still stress on our work lah... let's don't go to that part of life coz life goes on..

No matter where you are, there are tons of unhappiness that trouble you but if you let it go, nothing can bother you anymore. So, let it go..let it gooooooo....*singing*

One of the August highlight is that whenever I don't wish to see someone there this person appeared! Damn.. was talking about yesterday lunch time with colleagues. I saw someone in my past that I don't wish to meet and the moment I saw this person, I took another way to go in and out of that place. I told my colleagues I saw someone I don't wish to see and all of them rush to look for it. See! Can you imagine how crazy they are... 🤦‍♀️ I was so nervous and asked them not to go near just in case I need to face the reality of saying HI! Funny lah all these people..  got so interested on that person..

Life is so good with this bunch of people..just hope they are still gonna be for the next few years... you know people come people go and I'm afraid of people leaving again...

August gonna be a good one *weeeee*

xoxo
Lydia

DEAR BLOG| Life

Life...

Life can be really short sometimes and we should cherish every moment of our life without regret.

A friend/schoolmate of mine passed away today and he only 29-year-old with a great future ahead. I wasn't sure what had happened to him but is kinda weird that someone near me just passed like this. We were friend and all of my other friends called him Dai lou from the start, he wasn't really close to me and we barely talk but he is someone that near to me. We will meet up during CNY chit chat and etc. And I thought I will meet him again this coming Oct on a wedding dinner, but life is short for him. RIP...

I still can't believe this is something true and it happened today! I always thought that thing will never happen so quickly and badly but life goes on... things changed quickly, from a healthy guy to.... I have no clue what happened to him but sincerely think that why thing happened? He is a nice guy and I'm pretty sure he is good and kind to everyone. Why?

Health is a major point of life.

With the equation below, health is major part of our life:-
1. Abundance of money without health = 0
2. Abundance of life without health = 0
3. Trying to earn as much money as possible with a healthy body = 0
4. Having higher position in a company without health = 0

So, everything in the end lead to health issues... health could be much more important that any other things.

Life = Healthy

Don't forget to treat yourself better with a healthy body.

xoxo
Lydia

Dear BLOG | Competition

I am quite a reading person these days.

Reading quite a lot of self-help books and here come the thought from one of the book I read "Courage to be dislike" from Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. This is the book that I had mentioned it in my previously entry. 

Competing is very terrifying, people will never be happy when they are competing with others. In this book, it mentioned "Even if you are not a loser, even if you are someone who keeps on winning, if you are someone who has placed himself/herself in competition, you will never have a moment's peace" "I can't celebrate others happiness with all my heart" and etc. I am totally agree with it and I was in that position before I admit and I guess everyone in that situation before as well. 

Trying to be the best of all was a big deal back then, and I used to be this low self-esteem people in everywhere (although I am still low self-esteem now) that invisible is the perfect state of mind for me. I don't social much and I get really nervous whenever I talked to someone. Yeah! Some of you might say are you serious about this? (Different people has different perspective) You know what? My mom used to go to the school for some teacher-parents day, and teachers used to say that I am very quiet, don't speak much and etc. And my mom of course doubted all the time because I am noisiest among the sibling and I talked super a lot at home. In my own context (self-dictionary), low self-esteem people used to talk a lot in their familiar environment, people, friends and etc, and they always feel inferiority than others. (You may find a real dictionary explanation if you want, oxford is always there. Teehee.) I don't used to talk a lot if I am very unfamiliar with the places, people and people used to think why am I so weird. 

Oh please! You will never understand what low self-esteem people think of [aha! This is what the so called inferiority complex taught about (you will get it when you read the book)]. I used to think people don't understand what I want and in fact I guess I am the one who don't know what I should tell them. The thing is I will always talk to someone that will know me better. Is that a bad or good thing? I went to this training (influential training), the trainer said I am a person who can influence people but I choose who to talk with. BINGO! I choose who to talk to, what to talk to, when should I talk. Sound scary huh!? 

So speaking of competition, people who feel inferiority than others will tend to compete with others and try to be the others. As I said I was in the position before, and I used to compete with everyone and I realised one thing that are bad about this is that I used to be very satisfied when I am better than others. Just think about it, who's care about it? If you are better than others, so what?

I am this childish that being better than others was more than what my feeling of superiority get into me. Feeling inferiority was not as bad as inferiority complex which will cause feeling superiority (ok! too philosophy!). In my own context, I feel when you are in super low self-esteem, you tend to compete with others, and when you are better than others (i.e. win others), you will feel superior than others and starts to feel you are higher/classy than others or even others tend to try to follow you all the way. 

Nah! This is impossible. NO ONE CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU HAD AND WHAT YOU DO AT ALL! All this possibility of people care about you, follow you are what you imagine and not the real thing that could happen. So now, I started to be myself, boost up my self-esteem, try to be as confident as possible. I try to treat myself better, live a work-life balance life, go to yoga center and fit up myself (although I probably went like 5 times after signing up), read self-help book and etc. Trying to be the life that is good for my own and not because under others' expectation or whoever wants me to get into it. No! We can't live the life of others' expectation but a life you are worth living in. 

Life goes on as what I always say. We don't stop live if we meet some problem in our life. 

And on the side note, you need to truly happy on what you do and what you had. People with big smiley face doesn't mean that they are happy such as Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. There is no symptoms of depression for everyone, and the people close to them did not realise what had happened to them at all, hence what I want to say is being fakingly positive is a big NO and you need to be truly 100% happy for everything in life. If not SPEAK OUT to someone you are trusted or someone you want to talk to or WRITE IT DOWN to release your anger or do whatever to release all the depression. By doing so, things will be different, different perspective and ways in solving problem instead of ending your life. 

Competition could be terrifying by misusing it, but a friendly one is all good. 

I love you
I am sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

xoxo

Lydia 

This was written without proofing and grammar mistakes are all over the place, please forgive me :)

DEAR Blog| Mom will always be Mom

Hello!

I am back again talking about my thoughts.

Mom will always be mom no matter how old your child be. I was having lunch with my colleagues at the pantry and one of my colleague aka neighbour brought her own food today and she claimed that is from her mom.

The thought of mom came to my mind. She is a a mom of two and a sweet lady who always roll eyes on me when seeing me doing some stupid things. She judge and laughed non stop on my silliness but one thing I'm glad that she was my neighbour (She is just sitting right behind me and we always joke around like nobody). I used to do some stupid thing such as saying I love you to my plant so that the power of laws of attraction work, talking stupid thing to her and she will judge and roll her eyes thoroughly. HAHAHA! 

I guess this is how Daphne has influenced me to be so stupid and at the same time feel so fun for it. Thanks Daph if you happened to read my blog. 

Anyway, back to the topic of mom always be mom. So, we were having lunch and my neighbour was proudly announced that her meal was prepared and packed nicely by her mom. Another manager of mine also had mom's home cooked (nicely packed as well). Just think about it, your mom will always treat you as a kid whenever wherever you are, and you will always take for granted. 

Life as a mom was very difficult, especially when kid like me who always had grumpy face. I am sorry coz resting bitch face was my signature but I always try to compensate my wrong by saying something nice again. That's me, regret after doing anything bad HAHA!

That's it for my short thought.

I love you

I am sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

xoxo

Lydia

Dear BLOG| What social media meant for us?

Hello!

I have this sudden thought of writing something regarding the social media. I have been watching a YouTube channel from the So-Ju Twins, and one of the content was what social media meant for you?

What social media actually meant for us? To connect with people around us? To find someone from the past and link again? To get in touch with long lost friends?

Social media used to be a tool to reconnect with friends or I should say playing around publicly without the concern of being stalk or nothing is hidden back then. Remember we used to have Friendster (some of the millennium babies might not know about this but this is just a platform like Facebook.) to reconnect with friends and used to write testimonial (okay TBH I can't remember about this testimonial things but my friend always talks about it so yeap! testimonial) to each other and write note as well. I wasn't into that Friendster back then because house no internet and the only thing I do was watching TV all day long (the Java era was not my thing, too bad!). What I remember about Friendster was I used to be artist picture as my profile picture and always look into the "who view your profile" button and always got this thought of wow who is all these people? I have no idea why we don't always put our picture back then mmm... And then the Facebook era whereby we used to write post to each other publicly (I got really heart attack whenever I view my FB memories everyday, what the hell are we doing back then? We will just write a note to each other like raining again!! or why no connection every day?) and no shame of sharing all sort of photo (which are very memorable, some of it lah) to public and tag whole bunch of people on it. What had it gone to now? I am no longer sharing photo in Facebook (less lah) and writing a post to friend was a zero action from my side anymore. Even tagging someone in a post was not my thing anymore (I did occasionally). Action changed with time..

So now! What is social media meant to me? Facebook not only the platform anymore in this era...there are many for example, Instagram, YouTube and even blogging is a kind social media activities to begin with. Social media could be a platform to influence people and generation nowadays used it as a platform to get famous or attention. I would not a bad tjing but for me social media is not a place for me to get famous rather to connect with people and getting the hottest news before hand. I am too addicted to social media I would say..

TBH, the first thing I did when I woke up early morning was to, of course look at the clock and start my journey of Facebook-ing and instragramming. I wasn't stalking (although I did sometimes), but somehow the "news" were all around the social media. This is like a daily task or so called the HOMEWORK for me to complete. Am I addicted? Yes! Then again, what would I do if those social media were not in function (e.g The 3 platform, Whatsapp, Instagram and Facebook got huge disconnection few months ago) forever? Am I still able to be myself without it again? The answer probably a yes or a no.

Sometimes we are too rely on thing that are on the platform, such as news, stalking, gossip topic and etc, and forget that we have tons of other things that need to be complete such as talking to your parents sincerely (I did some bad example sometimes when I was talking to my mom so now I always promise myself not to touch phone when there is a huge family gathering), have heart-to-heart talking to people, having fun with your sibling and etc. Trust me you can have lots of fun without your goddamn social media platform and sleeping will be your biggest appreciation ever! I always sacrifice my sleeping time for social media and just think about it how many hours we had in life for spending so much time on one particular thing, stalking. I shall reduce my usage on social media from now on...probably starting tomorrow.p

I did try to deactivate my Facebook and Instagram before and the result was not good at all because too relying on social media makes my life blank without it. I totally don't know what to do when I'm on my way to go home in a public transport. Damn it! I'm 101% addicted! What social media meant for me now? Totally my medicine of the day, a bad thing I know but I will try 100% to reduce the usage for the next few months. Let's see what is the result of it ☺

Anyway, I shall end here with the challenge I make for myself. As usual, end with an open ended closing *hehe*.

I love you
I am sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

Ho'oponopono

PS: As usual no reading proofing at all.

xoxo
Lydia